Haven’t decided yet whether you want to buy my new book, Eyeblack Odyssey? Here are the excuses you need to go ahead and pull the trigger.
1.) You like me or my writing. Granted, this might seem obvious, but I’m not above bringing it up if it means an extra sale or two. The beautiful thing here is that you don’t necessarily have to like both me and my writing to find the rationale to make this particular purchase, just one or the other. Because if you like me, you’ll want to do something nice for me (score!), and if you like my writing, you’ll want to read more of it (presumably). You can hate my guts and like my writing and still buy the book (I won’t tell anyone). Likewise, you can despise my writing but think I’m a nice guy and want my adorable baby girl to go to college someday. I don’t really care which might be the case. I’m just saying if you like one or the other, buying this book is a very good idea.
2.) Laughter heals. We all have our own demons to conquer. For me, the list is long and painful (fear of rejection, relationship baggage, Pauley Shore…). The point is, we can all use a little laughter in our lives, and this book attempts to provide some. Attempts. The good news is that even if I fail spectacularly at being funny in the slightest, that in and of itself is funny, so you can laugh at that (me) and find your healing that way. Everybody wins.
3.) Trivia! Eyeblack Odyssey is loaded with all sorts of interesting facts, including but not limited to: the reality that Miami fans wear pajama pants to football games, some of the actual math behind the game (whether it’s fuzzy or not), and even the nacho/bathroom/jumbotron situations at several major college football locales. How can anyone go wrong with any of this?
4.) You hate LSU or Tulane. I give them both the business. And I even throw in UNO for good measure. But don’t worry, if you think you might take offense to this, I can assure you that you need to relax: it’s all done in good fun.
5.) You have even a passing interest in college football. That’s all it takes. And I’m not even sure that much is required. This book should be fun and informative for everyone from the heaviest of die-hard fanatics to the total newbie who doesn’t know the difference between a football and a loaf of bread (the difference, for the record, is you don’t carry a football like a loaf of bread).
So yes, you can justify buying this book. Actually, you should downright covet the thing. So don’t wait. Go buy it now. My daughter’s future depends on it (low blow, but this is what I do).