Mario Bros. review

One of my favorite things about “Mario Bros.” is how badly it seems to confuse people, since it seems the vast majority of people one encounters get it conflated with “Super Mario Bros.“ This phenomenon extends to search engines, which seem incapable of resisting the urge to add “Super” to the front of the search term.

For the record, they are, in fact, completely different games. If you’re thinking of the one with the catchy music and the mushrooms and rescuing princesses, congratulations, you’re thinking of the other one.

This one is perhaps most famous for being included as a bonus in other games. Remember the mini-game in “Super Mario Bros. 3” when you’d compete with the other player for the right to play the next level? You were in this static screen underground with pipes about, and you had to upend critters who were above you by bumping your head into the ground they stood on. Once they were upended, you could run up there and run into them to take them out (but only if they didn’t recover before you got there.

Having first encountered Mario Bros. via that mini-game in Mario 3, I was sorta taken aback when I found out it was its whole own game.

It was fun enough, but it seemed a wee underwhelming as a concept for an entire game.

That was probably unfair of me. Circling back to it now, I certainly don’t put it in the upper echelon of single-screen platformers with the likes of “Donkey Kong,” “Popeye,” or “Parasol Stars,” .., but it isn’t all that far off.

What helps the activity of this game stand out is it becomes trance-like in the best way that so many other puzzlers do. You get into a flow, and as you engage with it, the outside world melts away for a bit.

If you find yourself perusing the old NES library for ideas, this one really ain’t bad at all.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Gradius (NES) review

Lately, I’ve been plowing through a ton of NES games that have been withering on the backlog vine. “Gradius” is the latest.

So first off, let me say that I can appreciate the historical value here, of this being one of Konami’s most important early releases, and frankly, I thought there would be more compromises here in terms of speed and moving objects on screen for fear of epic slowdown, and I came away impressed by the relative lack of molasses or simplification. It plays speedily, and there’s a ton going on, as is appropriate for a shooter of this type. So it earns a passing grade for all of that.

It’s not even close to being my favorite version of this game (or any of its sequels), but for what it is — a convenient way to play Gradius — it could be so much worse. A catastrophe this is not.

That said, I very much recommend going arcade or PC Engine for this title, or even better, going with Gradius II instead. I don’t like many of the subtle changes on display here, and like many NES games, it’s really sorta ugly. Plus, the first Gradius is notorious for recycling the same goofy boss over and over and over and over again, and that’s a point against.

But this is a solid game, and if you’re nostalgic for it because you played it as a kid, or if you’re curious about the differences in this version and would like to play it to see those, you’ll have a decent time.

I hate scoring yet another NES game a 7, but if the shoe fits…

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Super Dodge Ball review

Like “Kid Icarus,” “Super Dodge Ball” is another NES game that I aggressively ignored back in the day, mostly because the concept seemed completely ridiculous to me.

What is this, The Ocho?

If I had been paying better attention, I might have realized this came from the Technos “Kunio-kun” series of games, which included things like “Double Dragon” and “River City Ransom,” which are of course badass.

Technos also developed “Super Spike V’Ball,” which, stupid name aside, was a quite competent representation of beach volleyball. It had super moves and so forth and was basically a good weekend rental.

Dodge Ball works the same way, relying on the usage of special moves to achieve success. Like its “V’Ball” cousin, the appeal of doing this starts out with you feeling like a supreme dominator of peasants, but this wanes, meaning you’ll want to engage in some player vs player action to get any sort of longevity out of it.

“Windjammers” outdid both of these games, but you can see the bones of that title here.

As a curiosity on Switch Online, Dodge Ball is good for a bit. And that’s all it needs to be.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Kid Icarus review

I’ve probably been overdue in playing this old-school NES platformer, though in my defense, “Kid Icarus” rarely gets mentioned first or second (or even 40th) on most people’s favorites lists.

There are reasons for that, starting with the general jank (simple things like landing on platforms don’t always go the way they should), the somewhat spartan look of the thing, and most critically the game being discouragingly difficult and non-welcoming to new gamers.

“Welcome to Kid Icarus; would you like to grind for health, die via enemy, or die via fall?”

If that’s all there was, we could safely dismiss it as an artifact and move on.

And yet…

The power-ups are actually fairly nifty, and the dungeon levels are fun and unique. That latter point is a valuable one: dungeons in 2D side-scrollers have rarely (if ever) been this intricate or interesting to navigate.

So sadly, in the same way I have been forced to admit that various forms of exercise are actually good for you, I must likewise admit that Kid Icarus has an intrinsic value. Get your teeth knocked out for a while and you’ll get to experience a game unlike most anything else.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Ice Hockey review

Hey, hockey fever for us Americans, amirite? Two golds! USA! USA! It makes sense to want to get in a little video hockey.

Yet, full disclosure is necessary here: I’m a “Blades of Steel” guy.

Hockey fans certainly had it good back in the day. So good, in fact, that the old NES gave gamers TWO quality games to choose from, the aforementioned Blades and the Nintendo-produced “Ice Hockey,” which has plenty going for it itself. Then, a couple of years later, EA really got things rolling with its NHL series on the Genesis (and eventually the SNES), which let’s be honest, is much better than its NES predecessors.

I consider the latter to be very nearly must-play (take your pick between ‘93 or ‘94 … I prefer ‘94), and the NES offerings are a little lacking in comparison. Granted, Ice Hockey attempts to create strategy by designing different styles of players (e.g. big and strong vs little and fast) to utilize, which I appreciate. It adds variety to the gameplay, which already boasts nice ice physics. And the game features international squads rather than NHL or pseudo-NHL teams.

But the problem is you get the gist of the gameplay about a game in, and then you dominate. And once you finish dominating your opponent, you’re done. There’s no tournament. No season. No playoffs. Just single matches to set up featuring the same few teams. Dominating them. Over and over. Until the end of time.

Blades gives you a better payoff, and its intermission entertainment is better too. It ain’t perfect either, but it gives you something more, and thusly has better longevity.

So basically, Ice Hockey is a pretty fun time, but it gets the bronze. Them’s the breaks.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

F-Zero X review

There are a lot of “floaty car” racers out there. Here’s another one!

That’s basically the review right there. The second F-Zero game on home consoles released for the N64, F-Zero X stood out for trading any semblance of decent visuals in for lightning speed, as though driving a cyber truck meant you could go 800 mph down a slip n slide.

Sadly, driving a cyber truck only makes you a giant dorkstore. But the good news is this game allows you to make a deal with the devil that actually provides a decently good time and not just the scorn of every person you meet.

The insane speeds here really stand out. Unfortunately, so do the touchy controls, which make the thing a little more inaccessible than other racers, including its predecessor, which I consider a more enjoyable affair overall (and was certainly more groundbreaking).

So yeah, that’s F-Zero X. It’s ugly. It’s insanely fast. And it’s got a steep learning curve. As part of a really deep collection of racers on the N64, I consider it somewhat noteworthy historically as well.

I like it. I don’t love it.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Dance Dance Revolution — Retro Gaming Essentials (No. 51)

Do you know what it’s all about?

No, really. 

Do you know what it’s all about?

You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.

That’s what it’s all about.

(I apologize for nothing.)

Hokey pokey dalliances aside, I thought it was important to include a proper, traditional rhythm game in this countdown of my 100 essential retro games, and well, when you think on that for more than two seconds, the best possible choice really begins to make itself obvious.

You see, I think it’s the activity level here that really sets “Dance Dance Revolution” apart. A spirited evolution of the genre that demanded its participants stand up and get moving in order to have any sort of success, “DDR” took over arcades and helped usher in a true golden age for rhythm games.

I don’t think I’m overstating that either. I mean, we can argue that certain games have come along since that have done this sort of thing even better, and we can likewise argue that the activity doesn’t mean so much as the music itself and therefore a less active game might have a case for being considered more important to the games industry at large.

My argument in this discussion is this: Why else would this concept be imitated so gosh-darn much after this if this sucker wasn’t super meaningful to people? Here, you get two things – rhythm and dance – in concert, and moreover, it’s a communal experience, encouraging people to participate in pairs. And when it works, it REALLY works. 

Truly, that IS what it’s all about.

Dance Dance Revolution at a glance:

Genre: Dance/rhythm
Released: 1999
Platform: Arcade
Guinness World Record: Most Widely Used Video Game in Schools
Continue reading Dance Dance Revolution — Retro Gaming Essentials (No. 51)

Metroid Prime 4: Beyond review

This is tricky. A much anticipated and then much maligned sequel of a beloved Nintendo franchise, Metroid Prime 4 is probably best experienced without any of that baggage. So a review kind of defeats the purpose.

What I feel comfortable sharing is that it doesn’t live up to the lofty expectations many had for it, nor does it fall to depths many have accused it of doing. Instead, my experience was very much, “Hey, more Metroid Prime, neat!”

I think the flaws in design are undeniable, so much so that the much derided desert area does necessitate a warning for first-time players: I would not ignore collecting the green crystals. Go a little out of your way to ram into them on your motorcycle as much as you possibly can. Do this and I think the pacing of the game works just fine. Don’t do this and the end of the game might begin to feel like an extended Kids Bop concert.

That there needs to be a caveat is in its own way disappointing, but I want to be clear: I REALLY enjoyed playing this. I’m okay with the choices many had a problem with, the music and graphics are top-shelf, and it’s still as fun as ever to wander through beautiful alien biomes, scanning all the things before blasting them into atoms. (The boss battles in particular are a highlight.)

I would compare this game to “Skyward Sword,” a personal favorite of mine that really irritated a lot of people in the Zelda community. The two games are similar in creating a relatively small, interesting world with interconnected distinctive biomes, and then demanding the user revisit areas in a fairly linear way. They also share the propensity for leaning into what made each series successful, with perhaps an acknowledgement that there’s no further to go without total reinvention. I’m not sure, but I’m thinking possibly so. (The difference between the titles is that the story beats here are not nearly as successful as they are in SS, but again, I still had a good time with the gameplay and environments.)

Ultimately, I hope people play this and we get another sequel. I also hope they mix things up a little more next time.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Parasol Stars review

I want to give this a few paragraphs, because “Parasol Stars” is a game I really enjoy and it’s also a game I know won’t make the retro essentials list. (It’ll miss by a couple dozen spots at present.)

The basics here are that it’s (mostly) a non-scrolling platformer (it scrolls a bit, but it’s mostly a static area that covers at most a couple of screens) that was released on a few different platforms, perhaps most famously for the Turbografx-16 (this is how I played it, via the mini). It’s a multiplayer title, and you control these two cute little guys who have to manipulate bubbles to defeat all the enemies on the screen. Clearing the screen advances you to the next stage.

The quirk, and the reason for the title, is you use umbrellas to achieve this, and that dynamic — of using your umbrella to block attacks, collect bubbles, launch attacks, and float about the screen — provides a good time.

The graphics and sound are really top notch for this sort of thing, as well.

So, Parasol Stars is basically “Bubble Bobble,” but prettier and more fun.

That makes sense, since it’s a direct sequel to Bubble Bobble, after all.

Anyway, that’s the gist. I think it’s tempting to think of a game like this as being outdated by the time of its release, let alone today, but pushing that thought aside results in enjoyment that isn’t to be dismissed … it flirts with “must-play” status for me. I roped my oldest daughter into playing it with me, and we had a ball. It’s good in single-player, but I think it truly sings in multiplayer. That’s the way to go if you can.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

M.U.S.H.A. review

Compile, they of Blazing Lazers and Spriggan fame on the PC Engine/Turbografx, are the mad geniuses behind this vertical shooter, MUSHA, a much-coveted piece of the well-received Aleste series.

Props to you if you understood the entirety of that sentence — you passed my old-school gamer test (not really, but that was a lot of dorkstore reference material, if we’re keeping it 100).

This is one of those games that was reviewed decently at the time, but it became somewhat rare/expensive on the secondhand market, and its reputation grew as a result over time. By the time it made it to virtual console, people were grateful to be able to play it at all.

I think where I fall on this is that I prefer Lazers and Spriggan, but not by much. Lazers feels the most culturally significant as one of the Turbografx-16’s most important early releases, Spriggan is the most chaotic and over-the-top fun (while somehow also being the most polished), and MUSHA is a good piece of Aleste (basically a bunch of vertical shooters that were locked to Sega) history with a robust, somewhat confusing weapons upgrade package and a stellar Genesis twangy-sounding score.

I’d recommend all three, to be honest.

Dave’s Score: 8/10