Crazy Taxi — Retro Gaming Essentials (No. 56)

“Let’s go make some keraaaaazy money!”

Yeah, that’s the good stuff.

There might not be a better case for the very existence of video games than “Crazy Taxi.” 

It’s not a sentiment I feel needs any hedging. If I were to sit down with a non-gamer and try to explain to them the reason for gaming in the first place, I would probably turn to Crazy Taxi at some point in the discussion, or if my words were failing me at that point, simply point at the game and grunt.

The reasons for this are pretty easily summarized. 

  1. Crazy Taxi is a game that fits the medium of interactive entertainment like a driving glove.* It is an excellent example of what the thing is.
  2. Crazy Taxi, with almost no investment required by the player whatsoever, provides completely unbridled adrenaline and joy.

* Yes, I have given myself full LICENSE to make as many driving puns/references as I‘d like, and we’re all just going to have to BUCKLE UP and deal with that.

On that first point, driving games are significantly responsive to what the player does. They are immersive and immediate about feedback. Hit the gas: surge forward. Turn left: go around the corner. Turn too far left: go off a cliff. All of this is really easy to understand and relate to.

But circling back to point two, more so than perhaps any other genre in video gaming, the mere notion of enjoyment is really friggin’ important in racing games.

That might sound kind of ridiculous on the face of it – I mean, we play games for enjoyment, yes? Shouldn’t that be the key consideration when evaluating any game?

But looking at something like another recent entry in this countdown “Resident Evil 2,” the desired reaction in the gamer in that game isn’t simply pure mirth. That game wants to frighten, to scare, to thrill. Yes, please have a good time. But do it in a specific way (by shitting your pants).

Go down the list. “Final Fantasy Tactics” wants you to engage your brain. “Tempest 2000” wants you to go into a trance-like state. “Dance Dance Revolution” wants you to jump around like a lunatic. And so on, and so on.

Crazy Taxi, on the other hand, would make Cyndi Lauper proud: It just wants you to have fun.

The game shares its devotion to freedom and joy with the arcade racing classics of yesteryear like “Pole Position” or “Out Run,” offering an opportunity to let your hair blow in the (imaginary) wind and simply bask in life for a bit while broadsiding a bus with your bright yellow tool of destruction. 

And it works. A game being a proxy for real life is seldom so enjoyable an experience as through a properly conceived racer. The adrenaline is part of it, and certainly with newer games and simulations in the genre, the necessary precision (and thus perfectionism of the driver) is key too. Yet, the main goal is more generalized: about finding a relatable sense of escape.

In this countdown, the most direct comparison available to us for proving the point is the similarily cartoonish “Super Mario Kart.”

The original Mario Kart, in addition to being joyful, had the distinction of creating a whole sub-genre as it kick-started the “kart racer.” And in similar fashion, Crazy Taxi was an innovator by not being a traditional racing game either. 

Both games are obsessed with creating a busy, colorful world to traverse, of providing a sharp deadline to navigate, and in allowing for the player’s devilish side to flex a little.

But here’s the primary difference: Crazy Taxi goes about these things in an even more open way than Mario Kart does.

Mario Kart is limiting by sticking to a traditional race course approach. Yes, you can go off-roading and find the occasional shortcut. But you can go the wrong direction. And you can get your racing wrong by losing to the other racers.

You can be wrong.

The true genius of Crazy Taxi is that there’s no wrong way to play.

If you have no idea what you’re doing … there is chaotic, mirthful mayhem.

If you’ve mastered the more advanced techniques and memorized the maps and know where everything is … there is chaotic, mirthful mayhem.

In sum, the notions of “success” or “winning” are basically nullified. This game rewards good and bad players alike. 

Crazy Taxi is for everyone.

Crazy Taxi Dreamcast Cover

Crazy Taxi at a glance:

Genre: Racer
Released: 2000
Platform: Dreamcast
GamesRadar’s No. 3 Sega Dreamcast Game of All Time
Continue reading Crazy Taxi — Retro Gaming Essentials (No. 56)

Luigi’s Mansion mini review

This is one of those “of course you have to play it” games, which is kind of what Nintendo specializes in.

Modeled after the “Resident Evil“ model of navigating a gated area full of unfriendly undead critters, “Luigi’s Mansion” offers its own creative spin on the theme by going more kid/family friendly.

Luigi has a vacuum strapped to his back to battle an array of ghosts, a concept so obviously borrowed from “Ghostbusters” that it feels more like an homage than a theft.

What the game does really well is require problem-solving in clearing each room. The puzzles here — generally about how to suck up a pesky ghost who won’t cooperate with the standard procedure — are fairly simple to work out, but they add variety to the game, keeping the thing from getting tedious.

It’s really good, but it doesn’t quite rise to the level of my top 100. Evaluated as a spooky season game to return to on the occasional October however, it’s one of the all-time greats.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts mini review

I’ve been trying to connect with this series for roughly 40 years now.

Finally, revisiting the SNES classic “Super Ghouls ‘n Ghosts” for Halloween this fall, it clicked.

I think I can partially credit my persistence in continually giving the series a fair go, which has allowed my ability to grow as a by-product. I mean, games are usually more fun when you aren’t getting your teeth knocked down your throat on a regular basis, so just practicing and getting better with these unique platforming dynamics allows for a better experience.

But there are also plenty of reasons to praise this particular offering, which initially rubbed me the wrong way for its aforementioned difficulty and the slowdown it would suffer during busy moments.

Those negatives are offset by an enjoyable double jump and power-up structure which is more rewarding than other games in the series. Powering Arthur up here feels like it makes a genuine difference in how the game opens up to you.

And once the game is opened up, you get to see all it has to offer in terms of cool environments and pretty sprite work. This is truly one of the Super Nintendo’s showcase titles, which is no small thing to say. As an example of the SNES doing extremely cool things visually, this belongs among the greats.

Finally, not to be overstated, I got the sense playing it this time that it’s programmed a touch more fairly than its arcade cousins, which are designed to eat away at your quarters. It feels, dare I say it, almost manageable?

Maybe I am getting better at these games.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Street Fighter II Turbo: Hyper Fighting mini review

Inspired by the new (super cheesy) movie, I had a run through one of my favorite games of all time.

That linked review made the distinction of singling out the Super Nintendo port as being my favorite version of the game, and that still holds true. My main point is the sound design. The tunes aren’t mixed as well and don’t come through as clearly in the arcade version, whilst the sound effects can overdo it in prevalence and obnoxiousness (I’m looking at the elephants in particular here).

Not that this matters all that much; it’s still a 10/10 to me, now and forever. The arcade version is easier to come by nowadays, so play that instead if it’s simpler. Bonus: playing on an arcade stick is easier on your thumbs.

Anyway, Street Fighter II is an essential gaming experience, and Turbo is the best iteration. That’s all that needs to be said.

Dave’s Score: 10/10

Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow mini review

“Dawn of Sorrow” gets treated a little like a red-headed stepchild among Castlevania games, probably because a lot of fans weigh it against its direct predecessor “Aria of Sorrow” and find it lacking in comparison.

I’m weird: I found them about equal.

I’ll give the sequel points for being a prettier title (it better be, running on better hardware), but I also found the entire experience just more memorable in general. The map and story just grabbed me a little more.

I think the magic seal thing is pretty silly and needlessly complicates the game, but it’s not that big a deal ultimately. The other knocks are pretty similarly microbial.

If you come in expecting pretty typical “Metroidvania” action, you’ll probably walk away reasonably satisfied.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Die Hard Arcade mini review

What an interesting game this is!

The interwebs tell me this game is one of the first to utilize textured 3D polygons as well as quick-time events, and that makes it a fascinating bit of a history lesson.

The game is also a kind of hybrid 3D brawler, which makes it an odd duck in a sea of sprite-based beat ‘em ups.

And the license was about eight years late in arriving, which is another bit of wackiness I love.

So, this game is really effing weird, which scores it all sorts of points with me.

As for the gameplay itself? It’s kind of tricky to control and inconsistent. On the positive side, there are special moves and weapons to liven things up.

But they got rid of Alan Rickman, which is a level of weirdness I don’t approve of.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

NFL Blitz ‘99 (arcade) mini review

Arcade football games aren’t always good, so it’s worth pausing to appreciate them when they are.

The second entry in the “Blitz” franchise, “NFL Blitz ‘99” continues the tradition of grafting the “NBA Jam” aesthetic onto the game of football, creating outlandish, over-the-top hits, plays, and celebrations.

I enjoy the concept more than I do the execution, which suffers from a smidge too much rubber-banding and some so-so graphics from the early days of polygons.

Yet, the spirit of the thing can’t be denied. A bygone relic of a different age when the NFL wasn’t *quite* so vigilant about protecting its own image, Blitz’s comedic dedication to stupid violence is fantastically alluring.

Let’s give it an 8 and call it a day.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Terminator Salvation (arcade) mini review

As a recent stop at an arcade illustrated to me, we all have our own distinct catnip.

While I immediately kickstarted some classics, my wife made a bee-line for the skee-ball, and my youngest kids jumped into the racers.

My oldest kid saw the very pretty ultra-violence on display in “Terminator Salvation,” and literally grabbed my arm to drag me to the impressive cabinet.

And I suppose those are the details most pertinent to a review: This on-rails first-person shooter is a looker and really immerses you in admirable fashion with creative set pieces. It’s also modern enough to appeal to the younger set.

The enemies are tank-like and sponge up a lot of gunfire, but given the license, that feels appropriate.

Also of note: It’s a pricey game and isn’t shy about putting you into no-win scenarios, so you’ll drop some coin. But if you’re okay with that, you should have a good time.

I’ll dock it a point for being occasionally unfair. But it’s still fun. I mean, you get to blow up terminators. That should always be a win.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Haunted Castle Revisited mini review

I played the OG and this remake back-to-back, and basically I came away thinking they’re a lot closer in quality than people have been saying. I didn’t think the original was as bad as has been established, and I also didn’t think the remake is god’s gift to gaming.

I will say in fairness that this guy is an open-and-shut case as an improvement over its predecessor, which was a jank-fest.

The animation and graphics are clear upgrades, and a lot of the cheapness has been smoothed over. If you’re choosing between the two, I think this is the obvious winner.

But I also thought it was too easy and short an experience. It’s more of a curiosity than a full gaming experience. That puts a cap on how much I’d be willing to praise it.

So ultimately it’s pretty fun and a clear upgrade, but don’t use this as a reason to buy the Dominus Collection.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Haunted Castle mini review

Janky … but not unreasonably so.

Believe me, I have played some unreasonably janky games, and this one really ain’t even approaching the honorable mentions.

“Haunted Castle” is sometimes mistaken for being a harbinger or forefather of the Castlevania series, but the original Castlevania debuted on the NES (along with an arcade port) well before this sucker. So it really has no excuse for kind of sucking.

(Since it came along second, it’s also not terribly important from a historical perspective.)

The suckiness comes through some of the hit detection and the cheap hits. The music and graphics are mostly fine, but decidedly different from what came before.

And it’s janky, with the protagonist kind of jerking around the screen like an extra from “Thriller,” but that actually fits the theme, so I’m not mad about it.

The trick here is memorization of enemy patterns, which with modern comforts like save states becomes a breeze.

There are absolutely worse spooky season games to engage with. It ain’t great, but it’s not quite the tire fire it’s been accused of being either.

Dave’s Score: 5/10