DaveGladow.com – All Dave, all the time

Pinball review

One of the original releases on the old Nintendo Entertainment System was “Pinball,” which wasn’t much for wowing people. It was there strictly for variety, like those doughy donuts at the Chinese buffet. No one goes to the buffet for those doughy donuts. But them being there give you something else to munch on that doesn’t much resemble anything else there. And they’re comforting.

That’s Pinball. Nintendo’s effort, spearheaded by HAL, is low on frills (no music at all) and suffers from some floaty physics that irk purists. The theming is weirdly mismatched, featuring ducks, penguins, and casino playing cards. No, I do not understand what is going on here.

It’s not a landmark title within the genre, though it deserves a look for the sheer “Nintendo-ness” of it all. Mario makes a nonsensical appearance in the bonus area, and for console gaming pinball enthusiasts circa the mid 1980s, this was about as well as one could do.

The Internet told me that clearing 250,000 points qualifies as having given the game its proper paces. That’s a good thing, because I’m not sure I’d have the patience for the full million. I do recommend trying to hit 100,000 at minimum, as you’re greeted by a supremely wonky surprise at that point. It’s so strange, I had to pause the game and look up if it was intentional or some kind of glitch. That experience kind of made the game for me, if I’m honest. I found it charming.

In the final analysis, the game provides that sort of trance-like getaway that video pinball needs to provide, earning it a passing grade and my patented “tepid thumbs up” ranking.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker review

I think most people already know a fair bit about this one. But for those who don’t, “Wind Waker” continues the tradition of 3D Zelda established in “Ocarina of Time,” bumping up the graphical output for the GameCube and building a much larger adventure in the process.

People were mixed on the cartoonish visuals at the time (and some still are I suppose), though frankly the thing is gorgeous, a better-looking Zelda than probably anything other than the two newer Switch titles.

It also boasts a killer soundtrack, a great sense of design and style, solid bosses and weaponry, a fairly unique story, and its sense of scale and exploration again only take a backseat to the two modern Zelda entries.

I think the sailing and digging for treasure bits are super repetitive, though I suppose I had more fun there than I would have expected. The bigger issue to me is how confusing some of the side quests are. That on the face of it could be okay … but the “side quests“ are actually tied into the main game. You’re required to complete them. So, them being cryptic is a frigging problem.

I’ve come to appreciate modern Zelda for its lack of these roadblocks. And yet, I think there’s a place for traditional 3D Zelda too. We can all point to our favorites within that. This one is below Ocarina and “Majora’s Mask” for me. Beyond that? Kind of a grab bag. These are great games, but mileage will vary some from title to title.

If you want a beautiful, longer Zelda, this might be your huckleberry.

Dave’s Score: 9/10

X-Men Legends II: Rise of Apocalypse review

I am predisposed toward enjoying any game I get to experience with a family member. In this case, I played through “X-Men Legends II” with my son. So, this game is liable to get a better score because of this — this is acknowledged.

Stepping back from it, beyond the multiplayer appeal of the X-Men Legends series, it’s also relatively creative in its approach, mixing dungeon crawling, melee combat, and rpg-style leveling up/equipping to great effect.

The X-Men are a natural pairing for this kind of game too, as part of the appeal is mixing and matching your teammates (four at any time) to adjust to varying situations. Maybe you need to get to a hard-to-reach area. Or remove an obstruction. Or you need to lean into long-range attacks during a battle scenario. the various mutants with different abilities match the demands of the game.

Where the sequel ups the ante from the first title is to give you access to the enemies from Magneto’s brotherhood to fold into your team, providing a whole host of new game styles and fun characters to commandeer.

I loved the first game in the series. It honestly flirts with my Top 100, and while I think the law of diminishing returns is in effect with the sequel, I can’t deny having a goofy grin plastered across my face for much of the playtime.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Balloon Fight review

The older, Nintendo-published “black box” games on the NES are, on the whole, an interesting experience.

Most of them feel a little arcadey, for lack of a better term, calling to mind previous generations of home gaming which aimed to recreate the arcade experience at home in lieu of basically everything else.

“Balloon Fight” is no exception. It involves a single screen of little dudes floating about via balloon. The object is to be like Obi-Wan and get the high ground (or high “air”) from where you can pop the other balloons, rather than have yours popped instead.

The basic game is fun enough, but it turns into an endless repeating level quest, wherein you try to get high scores before you eventually die.

Like I said, arcadey.

I enjoy it in bursts, but it’s not the sort of thing I make a point to return to.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Tempest 2000 — Retro Gaming Essentials (No. 52)

The history of Atari in video games is vast and super interesting, and I think for that reason, the company’s representation in this countdown might be a little lacking.

Hey, I can admit my failings.

It’s also never too late to change.

That having been said, we’re still in the “These games deserve an ‘A’ on the report card” range of the retro essentials list (9s and 10s), and I’ve gotta be honest: it might be a stretch to go that far on most of Atari’s classics.

Do I like “Asteroids?” Sure. Do I think it’s an absolute must-play in the same way that “Pong” is? No, I’m not going to go that far with it. Pong might get a historical bonus that elevates it above other games that didn’t matter quite so much (as do many of the games on this list that have an influential streak a mile wide). But a game’s still gotta be a fun time that holds up in some manner.

Table tennis, to me, is pretty much timeless. Shooting asteroids is … kinda boring.

Yeah, I said it.

Anyway, trying to grapple with those kinds of decisions is what this list is all about.

Fortunately, we have a sequel to a game that originally hit during Atari’s heyday that landed on an obscure gaming system in the early 90s, which offers the opportunity to speak to that company’s important history, while simultaneously being an absolute banger of a game that holds up incredibly well today.

Prepare your loins for “Tempest 2000,” a fever dream gaming experience that will scratch the kinds of itches you didn’t even know you had.

Tempest 2000 at a glance:
Genre: Tunnel shooter
Released: 1994
Platform: Jaguar
No. 17 on GamesMaster’s Top 100 Games of All Time

Xevious (NES) review

One of the very first vertically scrolling shooters, “Xevious” stood out quite a bit at release for having a varied, topographical background rather than a simple star field.

It’s also a smart game, varying the enemies it sends at you based on the way you play.

All of this is really cool.

The NES port is … okay. It literally never ends. And it’s a tough game. And of course, as an NES shooter, it’s ugly.

It didn’t piss me off like “Star Soldier” did, so that’s something. But it’s definitely dated.

How much you enjoy probably depends on how much you appreciate the historical importance.

I like video game history, so …

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Star Soldier (NES) review

I’m a big fan of the Super Star Soldier trilogy on the Turbografx-16, so much so that I have listed the third entry in that series, “Soldier Blade,” as one of my greatest games of all time.

(I also listed parody spinoff “Star Parodier” for good measure.)

So visiting “Star Soldier,” the very first game that inspired all that Turbografx greatness, for the first time was an interesting experience.

First off, this NES port, much like “Gradius,” features concessions in order to run an arcade game on 8-bit hardware. This is to be expected. And, like Gradius, this port mostly runs way better than you might anticipate.

Generally speaking, I prefer vertically scrolling shooters to horizontal ones, and that helps this game along, as objectively, the power ups and level design are fairly mid. The gameplay and some of the set pieces (such as obstacles you can hide under) do the majority of the heavy lifting.

Where Star Soldier struggles most of all is with its stupid repeating boss, who gets more and more obnoxious in every iteration, until you get to the final boss and would rather put a literal boot through the screen than try to engage with him again, particularly when he’s at his most annoying.

I’m serious, he’s a genuine asshole. There’s this weird dynamic in the game where if you don’t defeat the boss quickly enough, he escapes, and you get warped back to the beginning of the level.

Fuck. That.

Plus, the trouble with defeating him quickly is he throws a gazillion projectiles at you to avoid. So, it sucks. And your reward is basically no ending at all.

I think most people will be left wanting for more with this game. I originally gave it a passing grade since I’ve been relatively generous with scores lately and there is some historical value here. But in good conscience I just can’t recommend it. That warping nonsense is unforgivably evil design.

Dave’s Score: 5/10

Mario Bros. review

One of my favorite things about “Mario Bros.” is how badly it seems to confuse people, since it seems the vast majority of people one encounters get it conflated with “Super Mario Bros.“ This phenomenon extends to search engines, which seem incapable of resisting the urge to add “Super” to the front of the search term.

For the record, they are, in fact, completely different games. If you’re thinking of the one with the catchy music and the mushrooms and rescuing princesses, congratulations, you’re thinking of the other one.

This one is perhaps most famous for being included as a bonus in other games. Remember the mini-game in “Super Mario Bros. 3” when you’d compete with the other player for the right to play the next level? You were in this static screen underground with pipes about, and you had to upend critters who were above you by bumping your head into the ground they stood on. Once they were upended, you could run up there and run into them to take them out (but only if they didn’t recover before you got there.

Having first encountered Mario Bros. via that mini-game in Mario 3, I was sorta taken aback when I found out it was its whole own game.

It was fun enough, but it seemed a wee underwhelming as a concept for an entire game.

That was probably unfair of me. Circling back to it now, I certainly don’t put it in the upper echelon of single-screen platformers with the likes of “Donkey Kong,” “Popeye,” or “Parasol Stars,” .., but it isn’t all that far off.

What helps the activity of this game stand out is it becomes trance-like in the best way that so many other puzzlers do. You get into a flow, and as you engage with it, the outside world melts away for a bit.

If you find yourself perusing the old NES library for ideas, this one really ain’t bad at all.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Gradius (NES) review

Lately, I’ve been plowing through a ton of NES games that have been withering on the backlog vine. “Gradius” is the latest.

So first off, let me say that I can appreciate the historical value here, of this being one of Konami’s most important early releases, and frankly, I thought there would be more compromises here in terms of speed and moving objects on screen for fear of epic slowdown, and I came away impressed by the relative lack of molasses or simplification. It plays speedily, and there’s a ton going on, as is appropriate for a shooter of this type. So it earns a passing grade for all of that.

It’s not even close to being my favorite version of this game (or any of its sequels), but for what it is — a convenient way to play Gradius — it could be so much worse. A catastrophe this is not.

That said, I very much recommend going arcade or PC Engine for this title, or even better, going with Gradius II instead. I don’t like many of the subtle changes on display here, and like many NES games, it’s really sorta ugly. Plus, the first Gradius is notorious for recycling the same goofy boss over and over and over and over again, and that’s a point against.

But this is a solid game, and if you’re nostalgic for it because you played it as a kid, or if you’re curious about the differences in this version and would like to play it to see those, you’ll have a decent time.

I hate scoring yet another NES game a 7, but if the shoe fits…

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Super Dodge Ball review

Like “Kid Icarus,” “Super Dodge Ball” is another NES game that I aggressively ignored back in the day, mostly because the concept seemed completely ridiculous to me.

What is this, The Ocho?

If I had been paying better attention, I might have realized this came from the Technos “Kunio-kun” series of games, which included things like “Double Dragon” and “River City Ransom,” which are of course badass.

Technos also developed “Super Spike V’Ball,” which, stupid name aside, was a quite competent representation of beach volleyball. It had super moves and so forth and was basically a good weekend rental.

Dodge Ball works the same way, relying on the usage of special moves to achieve success. Like its “V’Ball” cousin, the appeal of doing this starts out with you feeling like a supreme dominator of peasants, but this wanes, meaning you’ll want to engage in some player vs player action to get any sort of longevity out of it.

“Windjammers” outdid both of these games, but you can see the bones of that title here.

As a curiosity on Switch Online, Dodge Ball is good for a bit. And that’s all it needs to be.