Nintendo Entertainment System

Snake’s Revenge mini review

Hideo Kojima wasn’t involved in this NES sequel to the original “Metal Gear.”

Cool, now the baggage is out of the way and we can talk about the game itself.

On the positive side, it does a good job of smoothing over a lot of the rough edges from “Metal Gear,” cleaning up the graphical presentation quite a bit. It also avoids the comical translation problems and the weird jungle traversal from the first game.

I also like the whole “interrogate prisoners” dynamic, which feels different from anything I’ve seen in any of the other Metal Gear games.

On the negative side, “Snake’s Revenge” doubles down on the stupid key cards from the first game (the problem is less the cards themselves and how they’re implemented — you basically have to guess at every single door which card to use, then systematically try all of them, and this process is a sucky waste of time). I also don’t think I’m going out on a limb to call the side-scrolling sections a perplexing addition, since they largely suck as well.

That a lot of this is unsuccessful doesn’t make the whole a bad game, and indeed, I sort of hate that people dismiss it without giving it a fair go because of some bizarre loyalty to Kojima.

Where I think this all ends up is with a game that improves on its NES predecessor in some respects but largely fails to move the ball forward. It’s not all that dissimilar from something like Zelda II in that it’s weird enough to merit a play, but not good enough to consider it more than a curious bit of history, rather than an example of a great game.

But that history, such that is, doesn’t deserve to be erased.

Dave’s Score: 6/10

Eliminator Boat Duel mini review

Making the quirky choice to mix perspectives within a single race, switching between an overhead viewpoint and a behind-the-racer angle, this curious little game somehow makes each section competent enough on its own to create a cohesive whole.

That’s really what matters here — the solid racing — though it does more to draw the gamer in. Winning races (and even segments of races) allows you to acquire funds that upgrade your boat, which is a key element in trying to win later on against stronger opponents.

Said opponents are a colorful crew, characters who might fall into stereotypes but do have the benefit of being memorable. These goofballs would be at home in a “Punch-Out!!” title.

They make it a bit of a silly game, but it’s a fun one too, and that’s why we play, isn’t it?

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Urban Champion mini review

Oh, it’s definitely bad, as its reputation suggests. But just how bad?

Well, it’s the worst game I’ve completed this year, but it’s not significantly worse than “Ice Climber,” and since it’s been so strongly derided in other pockets of the web, I don’t feel compelled to dunk on it too severely.

It’s a rudimentary fighter, and it’s unsuccessful at inspiring strategy, let alone competition. It can be fun to knock your opponent into an open manhole or watch him get beaned by a flowerpot, but it’s all very shallow and over quickly.

As a curiosity, sure, you can play the thing. I’m not gonna give it a passing score, though.

Dave’s Score: 4/10

Mendel Palace mini review

This is a dang fine game, a tile-flipping puzzler that is colorful, interesting, and fun. It reminded me of “Chew Man Fu.”

My only hesitation with games like this is whether to give a full-chested endorsement, since puzzle games can offer a limited sort of enjoyment. It’s all sort of samey as you go along, and the games usually tap out at a couple of hours.

“Mendel Palace” can be characterized in the same way, though to its credit, it’s very strong at offering enemy variance, keeping things fresh. It never gets dull or boring. Some levels were irritating, seeming to rely more on luck then skill to traverse, but that’s a quibble.

It’s truly an under appreciated part of the NES library, and I’m glad I was able to play it on Switch. I think I’m in the “no reservations” category here. It’s a winner.

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll mini review

If you play enough NES games in quick succession, you run the risk of being lulled to sleep, expecting an endless parade of basic platformers to bore you into submission.

That might be overstating it. I mean, I LIKE platformers, so the “risk” here may result in a fate that’s not half bad. But anyway, the point is, some NES games can be “same-y.”

“Snake Rattle ‘n’ Roll” is anything but. The objective is for you to move a little snake guy safely through an increasingly difficult to traverse 3D-isometric landscape. The pun of the title plays out with 50’s style music adaptations, a bright, colorful setting, and a bunch of critters trying to kill you.

Appropriately enough from the same studio that ported “Marble Madness” to the NES (Rare), this game reminds of that one, particularly as it relates to challenges inherent to the perspective (such as movement). The snake has to consume little bouncing pellets like Pac-Man to advance through stages … and he attacks enemies with his tongue.

If any of this sounds strange, I think that was the plan. Ultimately, Snake feels like a breath of fresh air compared to so many other NES games that refuse to deviate from established norms. That makes it an easy recommendation (with the caveat that it gets stupid levels of difficult in the end game).

Dave’s Score: 8/10

Ice Climber mini review

I’ve always thought “Ice Climber” is pretty sucky.

But I’ve also wondered if maybe I wasn’t being fair with that opinion since lots of folks go to bat for the game, Nintendo itself seems fond of it by choosing to include the characters in its “Super Smash Bros.” series, and I’d just personally never managed to make it through more than about five minutes without turning the game off in utter annoyance.

Maybe it needed a full evaluation.

So I sat down and committed myself to playing through all 32 levels of the thing, braving super basic design, unavoidable deaths, baffling scoring systems, muddled hit boxes, and terrible jumping mechanics to give it its proper due.

And yes, Ice Climber is pretty sucky.

The main enjoyment I got from this game was the knowledge that when I completed it I could come on the Internet and talk about how much I dislike it.

Truly, I think people who say they like this game are either messing with you or kidding themselves.

It’s like breaking a toe. Yeah, it’s better than breaking your whole leg, and you can tape it up with a buddy toe and hobble around with it, but you don’t enjoy doing that.

And that’s what it feels like navigating these controls: It’s as though you’re encumbered by them, not helped. That’s Ice Climber in whole: hobbling around with a broken toe.

I’ll give it a few points for originality and historical relevance and move along to better pursuits.

Dave’s Score: 4/10

StarTropics mini review

This one has been a long time coming. I’ve had “StarTropics” on my to-do list pretty much since it was released for the NES in 1990.

I can’t explain very well why I hadn’t committed to sit down and finish it in all that time, though I believe that conversation begins with the notion of “NES hard” and an aversion to the time commitment of an RPG. Regardless, I’ve now finally completed it.

(The RPG hang up was probably a little misplaced, because this game leans into adventurey, Zelda-like tendencies.)

But a proper review of the game needs to address firstly its charm, which is downright irresistible. The island setting surely helps in that, imbuing a sense of spirit and tone from the jump. The humor only helps, contributing to the light mood, and the action and plot are satisfying to navigate.

Having all of those points in its favor serves StarTropics well, because the game has a series of knocks against it well before it flies completely off the rails in the final act.

The sluggish controls and unforgiving enemies/easy deaths are a smidge too much. This game earns its reputation for being tough. And there’s a lot of silly backtracking and fetch-questing that irritates. And oh yeah, some of the puzzles sorta suck.

The last level definitely sucks, at least until you get properly leveled up. But I bring all this up to emphasize just how much heavy lifting the aforementioned charm has to do. It’s like this clumsy baby deer sliding around on the ice. You find it adorable despite, nay, because of its missteps. That this game ultimately succeeds is wild to me.

I can’t give it an 8, but this is a very high 7, flirting with must-play status for NES fans.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Pinball mini review

One of the original releases on the old Nintendo Entertainment System was “Pinball,” which wasn’t much for wowing people. It was there strictly for variety, like those doughy donuts at the Chinese buffet. No one goes to the buffet for those doughy donuts. But them being there give you something else to munch on that doesn’t much resemble anything else there. And they’re comforting.

That’s Pinball. Nintendo’s effort, spearheaded by HAL, is low on frills (no music at all) and suffers from some floaty physics that irk purists. The theming is weirdly mismatched, featuring ducks, penguins, and casino playing cards. No, I do not understand what is going on here.

It’s not a landmark title within the genre, though it deserves a look for the sheer “Nintendo-ness” of it all. Mario makes a nonsensical appearance in the bonus area, and for console gaming pinball enthusiasts circa the mid 1980s, this was about as well as one could do.

The Internet told me that clearing 250,000 points qualifies as having given the game its proper paces. That’s a good thing, because I’m not sure I’d have the patience for the full million. I do recommend trying to hit 100,000 at minimum, as you’re greeted by a supremely wonky surprise at that point. It’s so strange, I had to pause the game and look up if it was intentional or some kind of glitch. That experience kind of made the game for me, if I’m honest. I found it charming.

In the final analysis, the game provides that sort of trance-like getaway that video pinball needs to provide, earning it a passing grade and my patented “tepid thumbs up” ranking.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Balloon Fight mini review

The older, Nintendo-published “black box” games on the NES are, on the whole, an interesting experience.

Most of them feel a little arcadey, for lack of a better term, calling to mind previous generations of home gaming which aimed to recreate the arcade experience at home in lieu of basically everything else.

“Balloon Fight” is no exception. It involves a single screen of little dudes floating about via balloon. The object is to be like Obi-Wan and get the high ground (or high “air”) from where you can pop the other balloons, rather than have yours popped instead.

The basic game is fun enough, but it turns into an endless repeating level quest, wherein you try to get high scores before you eventually die.

Like I said, arcadey.

I enjoy it in bursts, but it’s not the sort of thing I make a point to return to.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Xevious (NES) mini review

One of the very first vertically scrolling shooters, “Xevious” stood out quite a bit at release for having a varied, topographical background rather than a simple star field.

It’s also a smart game, varying the enemies it sends at you based on the way you play.

All of this is really cool.

The NES port is … okay. It literally never ends. And it’s a tough game. And of course, as an NES shooter, it’s ugly.

It didn’t piss me off like “Star Soldier” did, so that’s something. But it’s definitely dated.

How much you enjoy probably depends on how much you appreciate the historical importance.

I like video game history, so …