Nintendo Entertainment System

Pinball review

One of the original releases on the old Nintendo Entertainment System was “Pinball,” which wasn’t much for wowing people. It was there strictly for variety, like those doughy donuts at the Chinese buffet. No one goes to the buffet for those doughy donuts. But them being there give you something else to munch on that doesn’t much resemble anything else there. And they’re comforting.

That’s Pinball. Nintendo’s effort, spearheaded by HAL, is low on frills (no music at all) and suffers from some floaty physics that irk purists. The theming is weirdly mismatched, featuring ducks, penguins, and casino playing cards. No, I do not understand what is going on here.

It’s not a landmark title within the genre, though it deserves a look for the sheer “Nintendo-ness” of it all. Mario makes a nonsensical appearance in the bonus area, and for console gaming pinball enthusiasts circa the mid 1980s, this was about as well as one could do.

The Internet told me that clearing 250,000 points qualifies as having given the game its proper paces. That’s a good thing, because I’m not sure I’d have the patience for the full million. I do recommend trying to hit 100,000 at minimum, as you’re greeted by a supremely wonky surprise at that point. It’s so strange, I had to pause the game and look up if it was intentional or some kind of glitch. That experience kind of made the game for me, if I’m honest. I found it charming.

In the final analysis, the game provides that sort of trance-like getaway that video pinball needs to provide, earning it a passing grade and my patented “tepid thumbs up” ranking.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Balloon Fight review

The older, Nintendo-published “black box” games on the NES are, on the whole, an interesting experience.

Most of them feel a little arcadey, for lack of a better term, calling to mind previous generations of home gaming which aimed to recreate the arcade experience at home in lieu of basically everything else.

“Balloon Fight” is no exception. It involves a single screen of little dudes floating about via balloon. The object is to be like Obi-Wan and get the high ground (or high “air”) from where you can pop the other balloons, rather than have yours popped instead.

The basic game is fun enough, but it turns into an endless repeating level quest, wherein you try to get high scores before you eventually die.

Like I said, arcadey.

I enjoy it in bursts, but it’s not the sort of thing I make a point to return to.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Xevious (NES) review

One of the very first vertically scrolling shooters, “Xevious” stood out quite a bit at release for having a varied, topographical background rather than a simple star field.

It’s also a smart game, varying the enemies it sends at you based on the way you play.

All of this is really cool.

The NES port is … okay. It literally never ends. And it’s a tough game. And of course, as an NES shooter, it’s ugly.

It didn’t piss me off like “Star Soldier” did, so that’s something. But it’s definitely dated.

How much you enjoy probably depends on how much you appreciate the historical importance.

I like video game history, so …

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Star Soldier (NES) review

I’m a big fan of the Super Star Soldier trilogy on the Turbografx-16, so much so that I have listed the third entry in that series, “Soldier Blade,” as one of my greatest games of all time.

(I also listed parody spinoff “Star Parodier” for good measure.)

So visiting “Star Soldier,” the very first game that inspired all that Turbografx greatness, for the first time was an interesting experience.

First off, this NES port, much like “Gradius,” features concessions in order to run an arcade game on 8-bit hardware. This is to be expected. And, like Gradius, this port mostly runs way better than you might anticipate.

Generally speaking, I prefer vertically scrolling shooters to horizontal ones, and that helps this game along, as objectively, the power ups and level design are fairly mid. The gameplay and some of the set pieces (such as obstacles you can hide under) do the majority of the heavy lifting.

Where Star Soldier struggles most of all is with its stupid repeating boss, who gets more and more obnoxious in every iteration, until you get to the final boss and would rather put a literal boot through the screen than try to engage with him again, particularly when he’s at his most annoying.

I’m serious, he’s a genuine asshole. There’s this weird dynamic in the game where if you don’t defeat the boss quickly enough, he escapes, and you get warped back to the beginning of the level.

Fuck. That.

Plus, the trouble with defeating him quickly is he throws a gazillion projectiles at you to avoid. So, it sucks. And your reward is basically no ending at all.

I think most people will be left wanting for more with this game. I originally gave it a passing grade since I’ve been relatively generous with scores lately and there is some historical value here. But in good conscience I just can’t recommend it. That warping nonsense is unforgivably evil design.

Dave’s Score: 5/10

Mario Bros. review

One of my favorite things about “Mario Bros.” is how badly it seems to confuse people, since it seems the vast majority of people one encounters get it conflated with “Super Mario Bros.“ This phenomenon extends to search engines, which seem incapable of resisting the urge to add “Super” to the front of the search term.

For the record, they are, in fact, completely different games. If you’re thinking of the one with the catchy music and the mushrooms and rescuing princesses, congratulations, you’re thinking of the other one.

This one is perhaps most famous for being included as a bonus in other games. Remember the mini-game in “Super Mario Bros. 3” when you’d compete with the other player for the right to play the next level? You were in this static screen underground with pipes about, and you had to upend critters who were above you by bumping your head into the ground they stood on. Once they were upended, you could run up there and run into them to take them out (but only if they didn’t recover before you got there.

Having first encountered Mario Bros. via that mini-game in Mario 3, I was sorta taken aback when I found out it was its whole own game.

It was fun enough, but it seemed a wee underwhelming as a concept for an entire game.

That was probably unfair of me. Circling back to it now, I certainly don’t put it in the upper echelon of single-screen platformers with the likes of “Donkey Kong,” “Popeye,” or “Parasol Stars,” .., but it isn’t all that far off.

What helps the activity of this game stand out is it becomes trance-like in the best way that so many other puzzlers do. You get into a flow, and as you engage with it, the outside world melts away for a bit.

If you find yourself perusing the old NES library for ideas, this one really ain’t bad at all.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Gradius (NES) review

Lately, I’ve been plowing through a ton of NES games that have been withering on the backlog vine. “Gradius” is the latest.

So first off, let me say that I can appreciate the historical value here, of this being one of Konami’s most important early releases, and frankly, I thought there would be more compromises here in terms of speed and moving objects on screen for fear of epic slowdown, and I came away impressed by the relative lack of molasses or simplification. It plays speedily, and there’s a ton going on, as is appropriate for a shooter of this type. So it earns a passing grade for all of that.

It’s not even close to being my favorite version of this game (or any of its sequels), but for what it is — a convenient way to play Gradius — it could be so much worse. A catastrophe this is not.

That said, I very much recommend going arcade or PC Engine for this title, or even better, going with Gradius II instead. I don’t like many of the subtle changes on display here, and like many NES games, it’s really sorta ugly. Plus, the first Gradius is notorious for recycling the same goofy boss over and over and over and over again, and that’s a point against.

But this is a solid game, and if you’re nostalgic for it because you played it as a kid, or if you’re curious about the differences in this version and would like to play it to see those, you’ll have a decent time.

I hate scoring yet another NES game a 7, but if the shoe fits…

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Super Dodge Ball review

Like “Kid Icarus,” “Super Dodge Ball” is another NES game that I aggressively ignored back in the day, mostly because the concept seemed completely ridiculous to me.

What is this, The Ocho?

If I had been paying better attention, I might have realized this came from the Technos “Kunio-kun” series of games, which included things like “Double Dragon” and “River City Ransom,” which are of course badass.

Technos also developed “Super Spike V’Ball,” which, stupid name aside, was a quite competent representation of beach volleyball. It had super moves and so forth and was basically a good weekend rental.

Dodge Ball works the same way, relying on the usage of special moves to achieve success. Like its “V’Ball” cousin, the appeal of doing this starts out with you feeling like a supreme dominator of peasants, but this wanes, meaning you’ll want to engage in some player vs player action to get any sort of longevity out of it.

“Windjammers” outdid both of these games, but you can see the bones of that title here.

As a curiosity on Switch Online, Dodge Ball is good for a bit. And that’s all it needs to be.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Kid Icarus review

I’ve probably been overdue in playing this old-school NES platformer, though in my defense, “Kid Icarus” rarely gets mentioned first or second (or even 40th) on most people’s favorites lists.

There are reasons for that, starting with the general jank (simple things like landing on platforms don’t always go the way they should), the somewhat spartan look of the thing, and most critically the game being discouragingly difficult and non-welcoming to new gamers.

“Welcome to Kid Icarus; would you like to grind for health, die via enemy, or die via fall?”

If that’s all there was, we could safely dismiss it as an artifact and move on.

And yet…

The power-ups are actually fairly nifty, and the dungeon levels are fun and unique. That latter point is a valuable one: dungeons in 2D side-scrollers have rarely (if ever) been this intricate or interesting to navigate.

So sadly, in the same way I have been forced to admit that various forms of exercise are actually good for you, I must likewise admit that Kid Icarus has an intrinsic value. Get your teeth knocked out for a while and you’ll get to experience a game unlike most anything else.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Ice Hockey review

Hey, hockey fever for us Americans, amirite? Two golds! USA! USA! It makes sense to want to get in a little video hockey.

Yet, full disclosure is necessary here: I’m a “Blades of Steel” guy.

Hockey fans certainly had it good back in the day. So good, in fact, that the old NES gave gamers TWO quality games to choose from, the aforementioned Blades and the Nintendo-produced “Ice Hockey,” which has plenty going for it itself. Then, a couple of years later, EA really got things rolling with its NHL series on the Genesis (and eventually the SNES), which let’s be honest, is much better than its NES predecessors.

I consider the latter to be very nearly must-play (take your pick between ‘93 or ‘94 … I prefer ‘94), and the NES offerings are a little lacking in comparison. Granted, Ice Hockey attempts to create strategy by designing different styles of players (e.g. big and strong vs little and fast) to utilize, which I appreciate. It adds variety to the gameplay, which already boasts nice ice physics. And the game features international squads rather than NHL or pseudo-NHL teams.

But the problem is you get the gist of the gameplay about a game in, and then you dominate. And once you finish dominating your opponent, you’re done. There’s no tournament. No season. No playoffs. Just single matches to set up featuring the same few teams. Dominating them. Over and over. Until the end of time.

Blades gives you a better payoff, and its intermission entertainment is better too. It ain’t perfect either, but it gives you something more, and thusly has better longevity.

So basically, Ice Hockey is a pretty fun time, but it gets the bronze. Them’s the breaks.

Dave’s Score: 7/10

Mega Man 3 — Retro Gaming Essentials (No. 48)

I don’t know that I’m going to have much more room for series duplicates and sequels in the rest of this countdown.

And yet, here we are anyway.

I mean, sure, we’re still going to have to see some covered ground as we go along, because I just have too much fondness for particular games to leave them off. And if we can acknowledge that sometimes sequels can exceed the original work (as we have done), we can likewise acknowledge that sometimes they don’t *quite* get there … yet they have a great deal of value just the same.

Even more than that, if I’m honest with myself (and you), I can also allow that on occasion, my own choice for elevation in this list is more of a coin flip than a definitive proclamation. In other words, the relative quality between two choices for inclusion from a particular property might be essentially equal.

So, let us state for the record that even though it feels a shame to lean into a specific series often during a countdown of this sort (since it will inevitably result in the exclusion of other series), it is also not entirely without merit. Truly, sometimes, the games in question simply just deserve to be here.

For me at least, the real litmus test, above and beyond personal attachment, historical importance, or even quality, is going to be how distinctive an experience you might get from game to game within a particular series.

I can wince a little at all of the Mario games we have on this list so far, but only for appearance’s sake, because when you peer a little closer, you’ll see a unique experience from one game to the next.

To elaborate, Mario 1 was the original promise of continued fun and excitement. Mario 2 was the colorful oddball sequel that innovated. Mario 3 was excellence personified. Mario World was even more excellence personified. Mario 64 was a groundbreaker. And so on, and so on.

It’s the same with Castlevania. “Dracula’s Curse” is perhaps the best possible example of old-school “NES-hard” platforming, “Rondo of Blood” was the transitional game, introducing more dynamic branching levels and upping the visuals and sound, and “Symphony of the Night” was the natural end point for that evolution, going for more explorer-based action.

With all of that considered, you can probably pretty safely guess why we’re now going to talk a little about Mega Man 3. Sure, I have a personal attachment to it. But it’s also a titan among 8-bit platformers giving it a historical relevance, and it’s roughly as good as the game we already covered – Mega Man 2.

But ALSO, it’s here because it’s distinct enough from Mega Man 2 to merit inclusion on its own.

Mega Man 3 at a glance:
Genre: Side-scrolling platformer
Released: 1990
Platform: NES
GamePro’s third-greatest 8-bit video game of all time