I’ve always thought “Ice Climber” is pretty sucky.
But I’ve also wondered if maybe I wasn’t being fair with that opinion since lots of folks go to bat for the game, Nintendo itself seems fond of it by choosing to include the characters in its “Super Smash Bros.” series, and I’d just personally never managed to make it through more than about five minutes without turning the game off in utter annoyance.
Maybe it needed a full evaluation.
So I sat down and committed myself to playing through all 32 levels of the thing, braving super basic design, unavoidable deaths, baffling scoring systems, muddled hit boxes, and terrible jumping mechanics to give it its proper due.
And yes, Ice Climber is pretty sucky.
The main enjoyment I got from this game was the knowledge that when I completed it I could come on the Internet and talk about how much I dislike it.
Truly, I think people who say they like this game are either messing with you or kidding themselves.
It’s like breaking a toe. Yeah, it’s better than breaking your whole leg, and you can tape it up with a buddy toe and hobble around with it, but you don’t enjoy doing that.
And that’s what it feels like navigating these controls: It’s as though you’re encumbered by them, not helped. That’s Ice Climber in whole: hobbling around with a broken toe.
I’ll give it a few points for originality and historical relevance and move along to better pursuits.